Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
MIDGETS
????
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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