she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize