I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't turn off my feet"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
