dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
