I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
