Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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