After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
