Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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