Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
