I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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