You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
