Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
