it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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