Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
