Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
