Sponge bath it is.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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