My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
