erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
