cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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