I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
