I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wanna go halves on a baby?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
worst night to have a conscience
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
