I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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