Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
