you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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