Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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