It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My ass is underappreciated
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize