GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
