Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
