Do you still have your period?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
