Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
