So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
