Your face is a jimmy john
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Alive.
So much puke
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
