If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
