my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
