Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
