did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize