I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
