who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
