honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize