you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
