i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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