evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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