jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
