Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
