Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
