i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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