Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
