Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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