i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
