Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
