I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
