Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish you could order shots online.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
