Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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