Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
