He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
