Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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