Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
