Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
