I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
