I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
