omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do herpes really smell.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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