Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
