We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
