i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize