I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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