I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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