i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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