Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
