Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
