Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
