The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
