Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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