Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
