id be glad to
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
