The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
