we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Farmville is her only friend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
