I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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