Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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