I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
