Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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