Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
