dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
