nut hugger
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
