Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
